July 29, 2010

• God is Faithful

  After completing the bar exam yesterday, I broke into tears of joy.  It was not because I completed the bar exam - I certainly had completed the bar exam last February.  It was not because there was relief that it was done - yes, there was relief but that was the major reason.  The number one reason why I cried was that Jesus was with me every step of the way despite my failure the first time around.  This experience had no nervousness, no anxiousness, and other feelings relating to stress - there was calm and peace throughout.

  The Friday before I took the exam, at the school library, I bumped into a friend, who had also failed the exam.  He no longer had any motivation to take it again.  In fact, he told me that he was planning to leave the legal field all together.  I felt sad for him.  But at the same time, I was grateful and thankful to Father God for putting that motivational drive in me again, to study hard and to give it my best, not for me, but for Him.  Because I know that it is Him, as if it were me, it may have taken me more time to recovery from such a failure or not recover at all.

  During the last two to three weeks coming up to the exam, something in me just clicked.  Not only was the Holy Spirit giving more power of self-control (as in reducing caffeine consumption), but He was also granting more motivation.  It was Him and the body of Christ who pushed me to apply for the bar exam when the first deadline approached.  The problem with the exam and with my taking the exam was motivation since the last failure and it was Him and the His encouragement through the body of Christ and pushed and propelled me forward.  It was difficult getting motivated again after an event like that.  Jesus is about second chances, third chances, and many more chances.  And, it was Him who motivated me this time.  It was Him who literally picked me up and got me going again despite my failures.

  And, I would not taken it again after that failure in February if it were not for my Savior Jesus Christ.  I would not have had the strength, the courage, the drive, the motivation, the desire, the focus and whatever the Holy Spirit provided me directly and through the body of Christ to move forward and take the bar exam again.  Christ overcame the world so that we can overcome our challenges and move forward despite failures.

  I proclaim July 28, 2010 a memory stone of God's faithfulness in being with me through a tough process, for being there when the enemy attempted to discourage and attack, and for being there through my brothers and sisters when times seem not at all that bright.  And, that was what completing the bar exam yesterday meant to me - it meant that God is faithful, not only directly to me Himself, but also through my community of brothers and sisters, especially my best friend.  For this, I am extremely grateful and thankful.

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