September 19, 2011
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Should Christians Be Friends to All?
September 11, 2011
I have been thinking about what it means to be a Christian and whether we should be friends to all. There are many websites that tell us not to be friends with the ungodly and those who are not living according to the word of God. They cite examples of how we should not be friends with gossipers, drug users, adulterers, and a variety of other things. While they are suggesting that we should not be friends with people who behave in a certain way, they forget to mention that Jesus hung around the prostitutes and tax collectors. He even said that the prostitutes and tax collectors were going to the Kingdom of God before the Pharisees were.When it comes to friendships, I believe that Jesus Himself is the best example. In the gospels, He blasted the Pharisees, called them names and even told some of them that they doomed to hell. Some people who are "Christians" cannot believe that Jesus would say this to people, call them names, and tell them that they were going to hell, but He did. Yes, the Bible does say that Jesus came in the flesh, died for the sins of the world, rose up again on the third day and brought eternal life to those who believe. And, He also tells some they are doomed with no hope.
Reflecting upon these scriptures, I realized one thing. Jesus loves all people, but is graceful with honest people. His Father gives grace to the humble. Honest and humble people know that they are sinners and have fell short of the glory of God. Honest people know that they cannot work their way into heaven on their own efforts. The woman at the well did not try to deny that she had many husbands. Prostitutes and tax collectors did not try to deny that they are not sinners. They knew that they cannot live according to the law. The Pharisees, on the other hand, believed that they have lived according to the law their entire lives and are going to heaven. They were not honest with themselves and they had not humbled themselves to the Father.
Jesus is friends with those who are honest with themselves knowing that they are sinners who cannot get to heaven on their own but through God, and sincerely repenting and accepting Him as Savior. The Pharisees were not honest with themselves and thought they could work their way into heaven by obeying the law - these people, Jesus does not call friends. Jesus calls us friends because He shares with us all that Father has told Him. Those who sincerely repent and accept Him as Savior share in His mission as we are co-heirs with Him. This is the friendship that He calls us to for Himself.
Do you think Christians should be friends with everyone? Or is it possible to show love by being a person's neighbor?
Copyright 2011 by Christenstein
Comments (24)
Had the Pharisees given Jesus a chance, He would have befriended them. Nicodemus is a good example.
Nice blog!
It is very Christ-like to hang out with people who are unlike ourselves, because after all, we were all once in darkness too! There's no such thing as a self-righteous Christian; someone who thinks they're better than others. But you also have to be careful that you're not becoming tempted to do the sinful things they do. If you were once an alcoholic, it may not be wise to go to a bar with your lost friends because of the temptation. Just hang out at a better location. The Scriptures say that bad company corrupts good morals (1 Corinthians 15:33), so you have to be careful. It's better to have another Christian friend to perhaps go with you, to keep you accountable. But I'm becoming long-winded. Long story short: Hang out with all people, but make sure you do not fall into sin while doing so.
Great blog!!!!
Jesus could blast the Pharisees because he was God and God can do anything he wants.
Friendship, however, is a precious and rare relationship. So though we are called to be civil we are under no obligation to be friends with any but those few special people we encounter during our lives.
Good question. Be friendly to everyone, and hang around with friends that increase our faith ....
Friends are God's way of taking care of us. Darkness is His way of confirming the truth. Strengthening our faith. Sometimes what seems to us as bitter trials are often blessing in disguise. Even if the encounters were less than you would have wished. It is the content of the encounter that is more important than its' form.
Due to personality conflicts, I don't think it's realistic for Christians (or anyone) to become friends with everyone. However, I believe that people of all religions or spiritual beliefs can try to treat each other with respect and kindness.
Yes @jmallory, salvation is available to all, but only those who sincerely repent and accept Christ as Savior will receive it. If the Pharisees had given Jesus a chance, He would had become their friend. This is totally in line with the character of Christ as I learned it from Him.
Now, applying this to my Christian walk, I believe that translates into being open to friendships with all people, but letting them decide whether they do want to be our friend or not. On the flip side, @apb102088 reminds us that we should be careful of being tempted into doing sinful things. We all have our weaknesses and should be careful not to fall into temptation and not to be a stumbling block for our brothers and sisters. Accountability is a great way to keep our Christian straight, hence, most of our friends should be Christians, not only because we are like-minded and probably have less conflicts, which @lostinthought86 seems to be concerned about, but also because they help us achieve our Christian goals in life, increase our love for Jesus and one another as well as our faith (@shrek_azn). Indeed, friends are God's way of taking care of us (@seed_of_hope_80).
While I agree with @LoBornlytesThoughtPalace that friendship is a precious and rare relationship, I disagree with her because of a nuance. She believes that we are under no obligation to be friends with any but the few special people we encounter during our lives. I believe that as a Christ follower, I am obligated to give everyone the invitation to friendship just as Christ gives everyone the invitation into salvation. It is up to the person how they take that invitation and whether they respect my wishes/boundaries similar to how to Christ's invitation is responded to and whether one respects and obeys the wishes/boundaries He has - drawing either closer to Him in friendship or further away from Him. The end product is that we have those few precious and rare true friends in our lives. Maybe, I am seeing a nuance where there is none at all, but I somehow feel there is a difference between what @LoBornlytesThoughtPalace says and I am saying.
Thanks so much for your replies. I definitely found them thought provoking, engaging, as well as challenging to my Christian walk. In the end, we all seem to agree that we should be civil, respectful, and kind to one another - that's agape love!
@Christenstein - Friendship is not an obligation, it is a blessing.
And for most, it is a rare blessing. Since friendship is a blessing, you can no more obligate yourself to it, then you can to saving yourself.
What we can do, however is be open to friendship just as we try to be to all of God's blessings.
@LoBornlytesThoughtPalace - What we can do, however is be open to friendship just as we try to be to all of God's blessings.
This is the nuance that clears it up - I knew there was something that was not making sense to me!
@Christenstein - Nevertheless, I do think we are obligated to be kind and charitable.
Even if it was politics or religion that brought us all together to begin with, friendship can grow beyond that. True friendship is a tradition that goes beyond religions and cultures.
The only way a sinner can see the love of Christ through us is by being around us enough to see it.
@mtngirlsouth - Nutshell truth
My favorite kind, hehe.
I think as Christians we are to see all people through the eyes of God. I think we are to recognize the value in each person's presence on this planet. I think we are to be discerning with who we partner with in life, and that includes close friends. I don't think there is a set criteria of behavior for close friends. It's in the purpose and intention of the relationship that God can work. There are friends I had that I stopped making an effort to see because they were only interested in trash-talking God and trying to start verbal fights with me over it. I didn't say "YOU'RE NOT MY FRIEND ANYMORE!!" I just stopped maintaining the friendship. There are other friends I've stopped making an effort to talk to simply because life is moving us in different directions, either geographically or circumstancially. There's nothing wrong with that. You grow out of most friendships as you move through life. Having a friend stick close through your entire life is incredibly rare, IMO, and that's as it should be.
Christ himself was extremely close with, what, three people? I try not to get trapped in the idea that I have to be best friends with everyone I meet. That way lies eternal frustration.
There are things God wants me to do with my life and being best friends with a bunch of people is definitely not one of them. However, that doesn't give permission to swing to the other extreme of not being close with anybody or ignoring most people. As with so many things, I believe there is a balance to be struck. We can be compassionate to all but be discerning about who we invest our time in, who we are "yoked" with (that's not purely a marital thing, ya know).
On a personal note, I find it easy to recognize the value in people but I find it difficult to commit to friendships. I'm not very good at maintaining relational contact (phone calls, making time for get togethers, etc) and I'm not the most compassionate person in the world. I care a lot, but I care in that tough love kind of way. I want people to see the truth more than I want them to feel better. : But hey, I know these things about myself and I take steps to grow in those areas.
~V
I am called to love my neighbor as myself; but I am also commanded not to become "unequally yoked" with the enemies of God. I am friendly toward all, except toward those who, knowingly or unknowingly, misrepresent and misinform about the love of God on behalf of satan and his anti- Christs. Those folks I confront, just as my Lord and Master did, with love for all of them and yet sterner with some as the situation demands.
Led by the Holy Spirit, I seek to help the modern-day Pharisee recognize he/she cannot please or appease or otherwise suck up to God with his/her religious performance. I especially love these who are my "brethren" because they do recognize and depend upon the finished work of Christ to give them eternal life. But my true friends ALSO recognize they are still sinners being transformed in this life, totally dependent upon the grace of God and NOT hoping to gain favor with God by their piety, obedience to the "traditions of men," political correctness, etc. Like me, although they may not actually speak the same words, they begin each frequent prayer with this idea: "O Lord Jesus, God of second chances and new beginnings, it's me again..."
I've had this conversation with a dear friend several times as of late. my answer is an emphatic no. in order for that to mean anything however we must first define "friend". to me a friend is not simply someone you are kind and graceful to but someone who you give your time, energy and mind to; by that last bit i mean that the influence you just as you influence them. Jesus could spend all the time He wanted around anyone that He wanted because He was above their influence; we as mere mortals have no such luxury. people who tear you down, who lead you into sin, these people should be cut out of your life. the Bible commands this for a reason and it's not just to make us "holier than thou", it's because if you tie yourself to someone who is diving into a shark pit, you're going to be in there for the feeding frenzy.
this is not merely an old testament command either as Paul clearly states of those who claim to be Christian yet continue to live in sin "you shall not even eat with them."
@LoBornlytesThoughtPalace - Nevertheless, I do think we are obligated to be kind and charitable.
Spiritual and corporal works of mercy? What does it mean to you to be kind and charitable?
@mtngirlsouth - The only way a sinner can see the love of Christ through us is by being around us enough to see it.
What is your take on those who felt Christ's love and are converted because they read the Bible?
@onjerusalemhill - @iones_island - I agree with both of you. I frame it in terms of my friendship with Jesus and how much the other person draws to Jesus or away from Jesus. If they draw me away from Christ and into the shark pit, then it follows that I should not be friends with them and at times, not interact with them at all (which I had gotten heat from other "Christians" for doing). If they claim to have a relationship with Christ and do not live it, I confront them on behalf of Christ (which I had gotten heat from other "Christians" for doing). In the end, it seems I end up doing the same thing that you both do, which makes sense because His word guides our relationship with Him. We live by faith, not by sight. One caveat is that I believe that I should share the invitation to friendship to everyone because Christ through His death and resurrection shares with us an invitation to be God's friend.
@TheMarriedFreshman - I think as Christians we are to see all
people through the eyes of God. I think we are to recognize the value in
each person's presence on this planet....On a personal note, I find it easy to recognize the value in people...
What do you mean by "recognizing the value in each person's presence on this planet" and "recognizing the value in people?"
@Christenstein - That's another good way!
@mtngirlsouth -
@Christenstein - Oh, I just mean looking at each individual as being worthy of attention and respect; seeing each person from the perspective that they were placed on earth with destiny specific to them by the hand of God; seeing each life as important to the whole of humanity and recognizing that God uses all who are willing (heh, and some who are not sometimes) to make this world the way He originally intended it to be. Does that clarify?
@TheMarriedFreshman - I appreciate your clarifying. God bless you.
"The Father gives grace to the humble."
That one statement stood out to me the most.
We do have to be careful who we call 'friends'.
Be loving to all in sharing God's love but even Jesus had only a very few 'friends'... His close companions. Those who left off sinning to join Him. The twelve Apostles... and even one of those proved a betrayer.
I believe those who humble themselves and have repentant hearts, we can safely trust and call friend.
Reach out to all, but there are only a few who can truly be called friend.
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